All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
