Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
this will be a night to untag.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
