You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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