someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
