Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
