Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
