I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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