If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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