we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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