You're my little dorito
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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