Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
