I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
