I think I won the penis lottery.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
