Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
