i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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