spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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