i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
