It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Still dying that you shit outside
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
