I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
