It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
