are you so shy because you have an std?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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