You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
