Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
