Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My penis needs a shock collar
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
