Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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