You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
this hospital has no fireball
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
