I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
