i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
