I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
