I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
