Is it normal to miss your booty call?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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