So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
