well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They have beer where we have blood.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
