I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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