ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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