the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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