I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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