So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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