there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Four minutes until I can fart!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
