That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
