my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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