The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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