Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
jump out the window naked night went bad
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