I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
