is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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