Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Randomize
