he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
