I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
