I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
