don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
