This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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