I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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