and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
