im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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