I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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