we have pet lesbian snakes
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
