my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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