mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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