i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
